Erina Marianty Ramdhani

 Baru tau kalau ayat-ayat alquran bisa bikin sel kanker mati/stop bertumbuh.. Mungkin harus cari literatur tentang ini lebih jauh lagi But deep down inside, gue percaya.. Bismillaah..

  Mindset mesti happy I know.. kadang bisa sampe lupa kalo lagi kena kanker Kadang.. apalagi kalo pas baca orang-orang yang lagi berjuang kanker naturally.. Trus meninggal... like.. I can't.. Langsung down banget..  Insya Allah sembuh.. Semoga Allah ridhoi aku buat sembuh..

  Jadi gue kan water fasting sekarang.. 21 hari Udah jalan 1 minggu... Iya beneran ga makan apa-apa Cuman aer.. bisa berupa jus, aer putih, dan teh2an gitu..  Sayur pun di jus.. walau gue blon nyobain sih..  Nahhh... this 2 days have been really really hard... Sedihhhhhhhhhhhh Gue pengen makan sambel..  Nasi, gpp deh ga nasih putih juga Trus gue kangen ikan goreng... Sedihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kirain gue nge-give up cha time itu hal tersulit Give up pastry dan kue2 manis itu sulit.. whip cream.. coklat... es krim.. Ternyata yg paling sulit itu give up gorengaaaaaaaaaannn sama sambel Hhuhuhuhu Serius gue mewek ini... I know I should be grateful And I am I really am.. A lot of people tuh kan kalo sakit kanker.. udah parah.. udah tubuhnya luka gitu.. Gue cuman kaya gini.. tapi banyak ngeluh.. Maafin ya Allah.. maafin....

 It feels really weird to be out of the picture.. Di kantor gue semua ngerjain A Dan gue satu-satunya yang ga diajak I mean, I'm not sad or anything, I do have plenty of things to do With this cancer, gue bisa ngerjain hal-hal yang laen..  Liat video tentang kesehatan... dll..  Cuman ya... I'm so used to be the frame of the picture.. Ngatur segala macem Diskusi... rapat.. brainstorming.. koordinasi sampe hari H dan event selesai dengan sukses.. It feels great to do it with the guys.. It always is.. But now I'm out of the picture.. Really weird you know..  I don't wanna blame anyone.. I wanna just be grateful for everything For anything It's just... Weird...

 So the cancer is back.. My back been hurt so much for the last... 2 months maybe And me and my husband decided to get it checked Through MRI.. And... tadaaaa.. it's back! I feel like that man in Harry Potter that finally believe that Voldemort is back and said: "HE'S BACK!!" Hahahahahahaha... Yeah.. not really funny Nana..  I  find writing is pretty therapeutic though.. I'm trying to write everyday.. Maybe I will even write an obituary.. Or even make a video of everything.. every solutions of every problems that may come up in life.. For my kids.. and my husband.. so whenever they miss me... You know.. Sigh.. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying already..